Ghosts of Parting

It sucks to be me.  All along, I thought it's over.  I thought I'm done with tears, with pain, with thoughts of parting.  Then, it all comes back rushing like a bullet in my brain.  My world suddenly stopped, all lights gone dim.  I am pushed in the corner, with no room to spare.  I tried to scream, no voice won't come out, no one will listen.  Can't close my eyes, forced to see the darkness, the darkness that consumes me.  In here is the smell of suffering, of fear, of hopelessness.  It stinks so bad, death smells salvation.

As I stay here, ghosts keep coming.  Bringing memories as they come, leaving behind scars as they go.  Those memories they bring, I'll never forget them.  They're as beautiful as roses but as dreadful as thorns.  Those memories, no matter how wonderful they are, they're no more than blunt knives that slowly cuts through my flesh, reminding me of the past and the future that doesn't exist.  In this small and dark corner, light won't shine, life won't come.  Abandoned by hope.  Feasted on by pain.

Subersibong Puso, Utak na Uto-uto

Lahat ng bagay may lugar.  Ang isda, para languyin ang katubigan.  Ang ibon ay para liparin ang kalangitan.  At ang tao para manirahan sa kalupaan.  Subalit may mga pagkakataon, nkakalimot ang ilan.  Tulad na lang ng isang subersibong puso at utak na uto-uto.

Tulad ng lahat ng bagay, ang puso at utak ay may kanya-kanyang lugar.  Meron din silang kanya-kanyang layuning dapat gampanan.  Ito ang kwento ng isang puso at isang utak na nakalimot.

Ikaw utak, wag mong kalilimutan, kaya ka nilagay sa ulo, mas mataas sa dibdib kung nasaan si puso, ay upang ikaw ang masunod.  Ikaw ang mag-iisip ng kung anong tama at kung anong mali.  Ikaw ang magdedesisyon ng kung ano ang gagawin at kung alin ang dapat iwasan.  Ikaw ang nakakaalam kung nasasaktan na ba ang iyong nasasakupan, o kaya pang lumaban.  Huwag na huwag mo iyang kalilimutan.

Missing You

Wide awake, music turned on loud, still in the office, it's past 3am.  I'm trying to make sense of all that happened these past few weeks.  I still can't believe it's over.  I'm still wishing it isn't.

I started this week with a small spark of hope that I can make it.  Make it alone in this unforgiving life.  As fast as the spark appears, it disappears.  It seems like nothing has changed.  Not a little improvement with my situation.  I'm still empty, still hoping, still hopeless.  Nothing compares to what we had, to what I lost.  I miss every bit of it, every bit of you.  Your smile, your voice, your touch; they're all i need right now.  They're what I'm gonna miss forever.