Ghosts of Parting

It sucks to be me.  All along, I thought it's over.  I thought I'm done with tears, with pain, with thoughts of parting.  Then, it all comes back rushing like a bullet in my brain.  My world suddenly stopped, all lights gone dim.  I am pushed in the corner, with no room to spare.  I tried to scream, no voice won't come out, no one will listen.  Can't close my eyes, forced to see the darkness, the darkness that consumes me.  In here is the smell of suffering, of fear, of hopelessness.  It stinks so bad, death smells salvation.

As I stay here, ghosts keep coming.  Bringing memories as they come, leaving behind scars as they go.  Those memories they bring, I'll never forget them.  They're as beautiful as roses but as dreadful as thorns.  Those memories, no matter how wonderful they are, they're no more than blunt knives that slowly cuts through my flesh, reminding me of the past and the future that doesn't exist.  In this small and dark corner, light won't shine, life won't come.  Abandoned by hope.  Feasted on by pain.

Subersibong Puso, Utak na Uto-uto

Lahat ng bagay may lugar.  Ang isda, para languyin ang katubigan.  Ang ibon ay para liparin ang kalangitan.  At ang tao para manirahan sa kalupaan.  Subalit may mga pagkakataon, nkakalimot ang ilan.  Tulad na lang ng isang subersibong puso at utak na uto-uto.

Tulad ng lahat ng bagay, ang puso at utak ay may kanya-kanyang lugar.  Meron din silang kanya-kanyang layuning dapat gampanan.  Ito ang kwento ng isang puso at isang utak na nakalimot.

Ikaw utak, wag mong kalilimutan, kaya ka nilagay sa ulo, mas mataas sa dibdib kung nasaan si puso, ay upang ikaw ang masunod.  Ikaw ang mag-iisip ng kung anong tama at kung anong mali.  Ikaw ang magdedesisyon ng kung ano ang gagawin at kung alin ang dapat iwasan.  Ikaw ang nakakaalam kung nasasaktan na ba ang iyong nasasakupan, o kaya pang lumaban.  Huwag na huwag mo iyang kalilimutan.

Missing You

Wide awake, music turned on loud, still in the office, it's past 3am.  I'm trying to make sense of all that happened these past few weeks.  I still can't believe it's over.  I'm still wishing it isn't.

I started this week with a small spark of hope that I can make it.  Make it alone in this unforgiving life.  As fast as the spark appears, it disappears.  It seems like nothing has changed.  Not a little improvement with my situation.  I'm still empty, still hoping, still hopeless.  Nothing compares to what we had, to what I lost.  I miss every bit of it, every bit of you.  Your smile, your voice, your touch; they're all i need right now.  They're what I'm gonna miss forever.

Living in a Nightmare

When life decides to make fun of you, it will.  It will without mercy.

Just when you've decided to do something for yourself, your past haunts you.  It haunts you anywhere you go, like a lion with its prey.  Its eyes fixed on you, watching your every move, waiting for you to make a mistake.  And when you do, it strikes, hard.  Worse, it strikes when you least expect it.

It's hard enough trying to forget the life you've lost and fight the pain it's causing.  But it gets even harder when every time you close your eyes and drift into sleep, your past shows itself.  It reminds you of

The Man Who Can't Be Moved and Break Even

Two songs which really speaks for me right now.

The Man Who Can't Be Moved


Break Even

Refcake

Birthday ng pinsan ko kahapon, 4 na taong gulang na siya.  Ang kulit nga eh.  Marami siyang bisita kaya maraming bata dito.  Medyo naparami rin nakain ko kagabi.  Pero bukod sa pagkain at mga batang naghahabulan at halos matapakan ko na sa sobrang liliit at kukulit.  Meron din siyang mga regalo na malamang ilang araw lang sisirain nya na.  Napaisip tuloy ako ng mga regalong natanggap ko dati nung bata ako.  Sobrang tagal ko nag-isip.  Sa sobrang tagal, wala akong naalala.  Tapos naalala ko yung unang regalo mo saken.  Naalala mo pa ba yun?

Ubos na yun ngayon, pero di ko yun malilimutan.  Refcake yun, malamig, matamis, pinaghirapan, napaka-espesyal.  Naalala ko, ang laki ng ngiti ko nun.  Mahilig pa naman ako kumain.  At sobrang sarap talaga.  Kaya nga ata ako tumaba nung college. Haha.  Naisip ko kung pano mo yun ginawa.

So happy :)

I'm so happy for you! :)

Congratulations with your success!  I know you've waited for this.  And now, it has come true.  I didn't have any doubts you'll make it because you are great.  I've been a fan of yours ever since.  I know how good you are.  And, I know, how hard you worked for this.  And see, it all paid off.  May you have many more blessings to come.

Yeah, I'm a little sad because I'm not a part of it anymore.  See, I'm crying again.  Oh crap! :D

But still, I'm so happy for you!

My life

Suddenly, it all stopped. My life that is.

I’m gasping for air. I was drowning in sorrow, freezing in hell. My heart beats no more. Then, I looked back. What did I do wrong? What have I done? What have I failed to do? There, I saw myself. I was stubborn. I made many mistakes. I’ve done nothing right. I failed to do everything I should.