Ghosts of Parting

It sucks to be me.  All along, I thought it's over.  I thought I'm done with tears, with pain, with thoughts of parting.  Then, it all comes back rushing like a bullet in my brain.  My world suddenly stopped, all lights gone dim.  I am pushed in the corner, with no room to spare.  I tried to scream, no voice won't come out, no one will listen.  Can't close my eyes, forced to see the darkness, the darkness that consumes me.  In here is the smell of suffering, of fear, of hopelessness.  It stinks so bad, death smells salvation.

As I stay here, ghosts keep coming.  Bringing memories as they come, leaving behind scars as they go.  Those memories they bring, I'll never forget them.  They're as beautiful as roses but as dreadful as thorns.  Those memories, no matter how wonderful they are, they're no more than blunt knives that slowly cuts through my flesh, reminding me of the past and the future that doesn't exist.  In this small and dark corner, light won't shine, life won't come.  Abandoned by hope.  Feasted on by pain.

The air is getting heavy, it's getting harder to breathe.  I felt, someone's weight is on my chest.  Still, my eyes won't close, my voice won't come out.  I'm forced to see my fate, my fate is not death, my fate met me in that small and dark corner, Pain.  Pain that comes and never leaves.  Pain whose stench lingers in the air I breathe.  Pain whose touch burns, cuts, and crushes all at the same time.  Pain came to me and married me.  'Til death do we part.

Pain is selfish, it won't let me die.  It won't let me leave this corner.  It won't let me speak.  It won't let me shut my eyes and free my mind of the horror I'm in.  So I tried hard.  I wanted to at least speak.  Say those words.  Those words which will hurt leaving my mouth.  I know no one will hear.  'Cause in this small dark corner, I am alone.  No, I'm with the ghosts of my past with their roses and thorns.  I'm with pain, who have no plans of leaving or letting go.

I just want to tell her, but I'm trapped in here, in this small dark corner that has become my world. No right to leave, no right to speak.  No way left to say, "Please be happy, I'll be happy for you, with Pain by my side".